Keywords: MSR, angst, Scully POV
Spoilers: Existence and Season 9
Archive: Anywhere, just let me know so I can go visit.
Disclaimer: Not mine, unfortunately. I just like to play with them from time to time.
Summary: Scully is missing Mulder.
Author’s notes: The title and song lyrics below are borrowed without permission from Coldplay. Go check ’em out sometime – www.coldplay.com – they’re awesome.
Special thanks to my betas, Robin and Marie, because I couldn’t do this without their support and encouragement.
* * * *
I feel safe, I feel warm when you’re here,
When I do no wrong,
I am cured, when I’m by your side.
I’m alright, alright.
I am safe, when I am with you,
And I feel warm, If you want me to,
I am cured, when I’m by your side.
Careful where you stand,
Careful where you lay your head.
It’s true we’re always looking out for one another.
— Coldplay, from the “Shiver” EP
* * * *
I was terrified that night.
I was thankful for the darkness; it became a shield from his invading eyes. So much of me wanted to see into those eyes, though. So much of me wanted to see the love and reassurance that I felt in his touch.
He attributed my shaking to nervousness, or perhaps even a chill. He held me that night for a very long time, stroked my hair, and whispered into my ear. ‘I love you, Scully’, he said.
And still I shook.
He spoke again, so quiet and soft that had it not been for the warm breath I felt on my neck, I may not have even known. He was worried, his touch once again telling me what I needed to know as his arms closed around me a little more. ‘Scu-‘
That was as far as he got, as far as I would let him get. I took his mouth with my own, seeking his tongue with my own. I focused all my energy on him instead of my fear, letting myself enjoy the feel of his bare skin under my fingertips. He was hesitant at first, but I urged him on with my own touch. With his shirt and jeans already in a rumpled pile on the floor, all I had to worry about was his boxers, which I promptly removed. Chills ran through me as I heard his sharp intake of breath as I wrapped my hand around his shaft.
He needed no other encouragement.
His kiss became more urgent, rough even, and I felt the wet heat between my legs increase. I slid my panties down my legs and stepped out of them as he worked on my bra. We broke apart, our heavy breathing the only discernible sound in the room. Our gaze on each other remained steady and unwavering, even as I felt his hands cover my breasts. He kneaded my flesh gently, his palms always in contact with my suddenly erect nipples. I let my head fall back and pushed my body into his, begging for more contact. His lips assaulted my neck as I did so, kissing and sucking in all the right places. A gasp escaped my lips when I felt his teeth next, biting my flesh, then alternately licking the same spots, over and over.
Thank God we were right next to my bed because I couldn’t wait any longer.
I took the initiative, something I had never done before during sex, and pushed him down onto the soft comforter, falling down directly on top of him. His eyes were hooded with desire as he watched me straddle him, my knees landing on either side of his torso. I took him in my hand again and stroked him gently, the small drops of pre-ejaculate dampening my hand.
“Jesus, Scully.” he hissed and bucked his hips under me.
Part of me wanted to take him in my mouth then, fully and completely. But my throbbing center, hovering over his erection, was screaming out for release and in one swift movement, I removed my hands and plunged down onto him.
I swear I heard the angels sing.
His hands immediately went to my waist, grabbing possessively and grinding me down even further onto him. I hunched over, placing my hands on his shoulders for support as I began to rock my hips slowly. His breathing started becoming ragged already and as I watched his face contort tighter and tighter, I knew he was already close to his climax.
“Mulder,” I whispered, slowing my movements to a halt. “Open your eyes.”
He did as I said, though with some effort, and I stared down into those hazel depths for an everlasting moment. Oh, how I loved this man, more than I ever thought possible.
“Not before me, cowboy,” I chided softly, receiving a lopsided grin in return.
He turned serious in the next instant, however, and a shiver ran through my body as one of his hands moved to where we were joined. His middle finger found that most sensitive of areas on my body and massaged the bundle of nerves, flooding me with even more sensations.
“I wanna see you come, Scully,” he said quietly, urgently.
At his insistence I began to move on top of him again, slow at first and leading, inevitably, to a fast pace. I rose up until he was almost completely free of me and then pounded down again until he was completely sheathed. It wasn’t long before I felt the tingle in my abdomen that signaled my release was near. I could tell that once again he was close as well. With a few more thrusts, I came, my body literally feeling as though it were going to explode with pleasure. At the same instant, I felt his body go rigid beneath me and his fingers digging into my skin. A guttural moan
escaped his lips and we rode out our orgasms together, rocking our hips against each other.
When I finally had the strength, I pried my limp body off of his and fell next to him on the bed. He pulled me to him instantly, my back pressed against his stomach. One of his arms wrapped around my waist, the other rested just above my head and I let my eyes close as I felt his hand reach down and brush the hair off of my forehead. He continued to pet me like that, slowly and languidly, and I allowed myself to drift off into a contented sleep.
But now, so many months later, that night seems like a dream. I can recall every detail of it, but it’s as if I’m watching one of Mulder’s videos, not experiencing it for myself.
I’m forgetting his touch, forgetting the way it felt to have him love me.
All I have left of him is our perfect little boy, who is getting to look more and more like his beautiful father every day. But it’s not enough.
“I need you, Mulder,” I whisper to no one and I feel a single tear escape down my cheek.
I’m tired of wiping away the tears, so I let it fall and dry against my skin. I take some small comfort in knowing that if he were here, he’d wipe away my tears for me. I can almost even feel his thumb brushing against my face and his lips on mine.
Almost, but not quite. And I don’t know how much longer I can take it.
Wherever you are, Mulder, be careful where you stand and come home to me soon.